Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
