I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
