Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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