Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
