I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
