so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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