She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
