I am spending my child support on dildos
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
