It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
