Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
