I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
