Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
