I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
