remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
