Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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