She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
