Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
