So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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