Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
