I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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