I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
