The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this boner is exhausting
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
