i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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