i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
