Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
