I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
