you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
