What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
