TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
