I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
