you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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