you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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