I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
