So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
