why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
