I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
