well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
