I am puke
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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