allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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