i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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