i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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