I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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