I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
