Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
