tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
