End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
