Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize
