shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
