Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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