This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
