Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
