there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
